A few weeks ago, at around 5:30 in the morning I got the call that my Dad had passed away after a long and brave fight to recover from a heart attack. We knew his time here was coming to an end so Gail and I were able to be in New York with him for his last few days. Throughout his life, Dad was the most powerful and inspiring man that I ever knew and even through his recovery, while stuck in bed, he remained an imposing force that charmed [or frightened] every doctor, nurse and therapist he encountered. This week we would have celebrated both Mom and Dad's seventy-third birthdays but instead we are still grieving Mom and now Dad. This loss is simply indescribable because his life, and therefore my life have been indescribable too. As I walk through this time in my life, I find myself reflecting on what I've learned from my Dad, including but not limited to:
- How to be a gracious host. Dad [and Mom] made people feel at home and welcomed
- How to make the house look like nobody had been there - even after a large party Dad was able to eliminate any evidence of that party within minutes. It was amazing.
- How to make amazing pancakes. Okay, it's Bisquick, but he taught me how to make them a special event filled with love and joy and I now carry on that tradition with my family.
- How to completely lose my mind when I can't find a hammer - or some such thing. Okay, so this isn't a good lesson, but he also taught me how to regain composure.
- He taught me how to forgive. I screwed up more than my share, sometimes my screw-ups hurt Dad. In no instance did he ever show signs that it was hard to forgive. Ever.
- He taught me how to be strong. In Mom's final days he carried me and my brothers and sisters through the darkest hours we ever knew.
- He taught me that "if you look like you know what you're doing, people will leave you alone". He led us into amazing experiences because he was unafraid to venture into things that most would have been intimidated by. The great stories are endless!
- He taught me that having money, or not having it did not have to change you.
- I could go on and on, but I'll close with my favorite thing I learned from him. His sister tells a story from when Dad was first dating Mom. I should say that this was the 1950's and Dad was Fonzie, the coolest cat in town. He was into his share of mischief but he didn't hurt people and he had a sense of humor beyond description. So my Aunt was walking along the street one afternoon and she saw her super cool older brother walking on the other side of the street holding hands with his new girlfriend. She waved excitedly at her big bro and without hesitation he raised up his hand, the one still holding the hand of his future wife, and waved back, publicly showing his love. Dad taught me how to love my wife publicly. He danced with Mom in the kitchen, said he loved her, wrote her notes, there was never any doubt about who was his queen - for more than fifty years.
Part of me is sad right now, in fact most of me is sad but at my heart level, my very core I am so grateful for the life I led with the greatest Dad, Mom and brothers and sisters imaginable. I'm so thankful that I have wonderful memories shining through the grief and they enable me to smile and find some joy in this dark season.
